Relationships - Are You Or Your Partner Afraid of Commitment?

I am sure you have heard that our experiences make us who we are. If that is really true then our past or our history impacts on what we do and the choices we make. This includes the way we relate to our partners and the level of commitment we give to relationships.

Understanding Is Key

Our past will impact all major decisions that we consciously make as well as behaviors and actions that are done without any contemplation at all. Some people have wonderful childhoods in which nothing seems to be lacking, including love and understanding. That can provide a foundation for trusting others.

But what about others; what about those of us that start life under less than ideal conditions? If you are raised in a home that exhibits little emotion or where abuse is the normal and accepted behavior it may be difficult to adjust to what is really normal.

Beyond your family life as you grow up you will undoubtedly meet people and develop friendships along the way. Some of those will grow into long-term relationships and others will not. How and why those friendships end will impact how you react in future situations regarding friendships.

Commitment is determined by a lot of variables. Acting from what has happened to us in our past is a major factor. If you have been mistreated by others in some way it is likely that you will have trust issues.

Because you lack trust in others you may not feel the desire to fully commit to a relationship. The reason may be that you are using this distance as a protective mechanism against getting hurt in the future. Either consciously or subconsciously you know that if you allow yourself to fully commit your emotional ties to the person will be stronger. Then if the relationship ends (as you have experienced in your past) the hurt will be deeper.

Working With A Partner That Is Fearful Of Commitment

If it is your partner that seems reluctant to commit then you need to be patient and understanding. Learn all you can about his or her past but do not be surprised if they are not open to fully sharing details.

Keep in mind that time is on your side and the longer you are involved with your partner the more he or she will come to trust you. Reciprocity is human nature. That being said, the more you give the more you will eventually receive.

It is true that the most important things in life are priceless; unconditional love cannot be purchased for any price. The same is true with other wonderful things like trust, loyalty, and respect. Although money can buy us many things other things have to come from within. Add commitment to that list of items that cannot be bought!

Build a strong and healthy relationship from the start! Start with patience, trust and understanding. The commitment will build over time.

By Debbie Allen